It’s the plague reckoning edition: GREEN MOUSE presents NAWBANY WEEK IN REVIEW for 13 March 2020.


Whether your name is Donald or Jeffrey, “There is nowhere here to hide waiting for the hurricane.”

Or, in our case, the pandemic.

Green Mouse’s Tip of the Week: There has never been a better time to stock up on paper towels. They’re floor to ceiling EVERYWHERE (right next to the empty shelves where those “other” paper products used to be).

Can you remember what you were doing when Elvis died? When the the first plane hit the first tower?


It’s been the week when a great many people finally noticed an 800-lb gorilla called COVID-19. Given the economic and psychological importance adult Americans attach to watching teenagers play children’s games, the shit’s quickly gotten real — and does anyone, apart from the dwindling WWII cohort, remember what it means when the “real” shit starts?

Very few, if we’re to judge by the current spate of TP hoarding.

Not exactly the greatest generation, is it?

ON THE AVENUES: Keep calm and carry on.

On Wednesday evening the newly elected 5th district councilman Josh Turner swapped the word “coffee” for “cocktail” and convened his regular constituent meeting at Pints&union, which is located in the 3rd council district.

That’s because you can’t even imagine Greg Phipps doing such a thing, can you? I suppose we’ll have to borrow Josh as needed.

Turner recounted recent local events (roadwork, the Colonial Manor sale), took questions from the healthy crowd of 25 or so attendees, and then yielded the floor to councilman-at-large Al Knable.

Knable — Doctor Knable — said a few words about city affairs, then added several more on the topic of COVID-19; neither alarmist or in denial, he merely gave out the facts as he knew them at the time.

This meeting was a striking example of adulting, or “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” It would appear that “adulting” entered the dictionary only recently, when we needed a way to illustrate the sheer novelty of adults performing tasks previously taken for granted.

Recalling the words of that old book that people insist on quoting: “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become an adult, I have put away childish things.”

Childishness? It’s been so long since New Albany’s DemoDisneyDixiecratic governing elite indulged in political adulting that when it finally happens, a party will be necessary.

With no more than 250 guests, natch.

Now a few headlines from the week when the toilet paper hit the van (and the SUV, F-150 and Range Rover — any set of wheels, really).

There for a moment we thought ethics might have broken out in New Gahania, but it’s probably just a false positive.

SHANE’S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: We’re utterly gobsmacked at an unexpected Extol absence.

Friends don’t allow friends to drink green beer.

BEER WITH A SOCIALIST: Erin Go Blagh: “May the road rise to meet the rest o’ ye, and Sláinte.”

The mag’s out, and you should get one.

The Spring 2020 issue of Food & Dining Magazine has landed, so pick up a copy and read our words.

I cancelled the newspaper of record, as it was beginning to sound like a broken Biden record.

Democratic primary coverage is why WE cancelled OUR New York Times subscriptions.