GREEN MOUSE SAYS: An October opioid settlement surprise — and howzabout Dan Coffey as drug czar? Well, we’re all on SOMETHING.

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The Green Mouse has a crazed and wacky composite rumor to report, and at first glance it appears nutzoid, but then again we inhabit The Veneer Peddler’s Republic of New Gahania, otherwise known as the Open Air Museum of Ignorance, Superstition and Backwardness.

As background, recall that Slick Jeffie Gahan couldn’t ever bring himself to say the word “opioid” aloud for attribution until late August, when a typically self-serving press release trumpeted the city’s participation in a class action lawsuit against opioid distributors, giving the Gahanite propaganda secretariat a nice pre-election trial balloon to loft in the general direction of those sub-human Republicans in Floyd County government: Mayor Gahan Shares Information About Opioid Crisis.

Note the header: Gee thanks, Dear Leader, as though the rest of humanity hadn’t previously known about opioids, reminding us that campaign finance accumulation is why Team Gahan is here, not good writing. 

Here is the main passage, in which Gahan uses a revealing vocab word he’d just been taught by the band Fairmont Break Room (in the key of G, of course).

This is a county crisis and a national epidemic, brought on by reckless distribution of opioids which possess properties that bring addiction to some of our most vulnerable family members and friends. To help bring attention to this issue, our Board of Works has approved 2 awareness walks – one in September, and one in November.

That’s right: vulnerable, like the residents of public housing Gahan has been targeting with eviction ever since 2017. Funny, he never made the connection between vulnerability and public housing. It must be a DemoDisneyDemocratic thing.

Thus, Rumor Mill Part One: the city’s cut from this opioid class action lawsuit settlement will be Gahan’s “October surprise” announcement later this week, to be followed by the revelation that 1/3 of the money paid to the city as a result of the settlement actually will be used for opioid treatment.

The other 2/3? It will be shifted into another honey pot to buy whatever other votes are necessary for the re-enthronement. 

As a corollary of the first rumor, Gahan would set out to appoint a symbolic drug czar to posture at press conferences and seek faith-based solutions to addiction.

The identity of this drug czar is Rumor Mill Number Two.

Gahan’s choice for drug czar will be none other than Dan Coffey, who will suspend his mayoral campaign and ask his supporters to shift their allegiance to the Genius of the Flood Plain. 

Whoa, boy. This surely is the best composite rumor in recent memory, but is there any chance of it being true?

Granted, not much time remains in the fall campaign, and yet as an indicator that Gahan is flush with money and 100% paranoid, he’s still lobbing half-pints of Kessler at Fairview Cemetery voters. Consider also that his groveling sycophants haven’t stopped erecting billboard-sized yard signs in the heart of Kool Aid Country (i.e., the East Spring Street Neighborhood Association, which following the election is to be renamed the Rice Krispies Treats Neighborhood Association).

Would Coffey do such a thing?

In all seriousness, I don’t think so.

I might be the only person in town who believes Coffey is being sincere in his run for mayor. At the same time, during 15 years of stunned observance, we’ve seen Coffey on every side of every issue at least once. He’s the ultimate survivor, and the most adept player of political angles in the city’s modern history.

I’d rate this rumor as highly unlikely — and just as sadly possible. Such are the depths to which we’ve plunged with Deaf Gahan as mayor.

Oops, almost forgot the Indy lawyer’s bizarre donation to Coffey’s account. Who know how we can link $2,500 to the conspiracy theory?

Mayoral aspirant Dan Coffey says, “Hey, I can get $2,500 from an out-of-town lawyer, too.”

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