Sherman Minton Bridge leadership litmus test as Mark Seabrook stays for the entire meeting, while Jeff Gahan lasts seven whole minutes.


Ever since it was announced that repairs to the Sherman Minton Bridge might require its complete closure, or barring this drastic remedy at least a prolonged period of reduced access and heightened economic pain for New Albany, we’ve been waiting for Team Gahan to step up to the plate and lead.

Silly us.

At Thursday evening’s “Six Great Ways to Suffer” community meeting at the Calumet Club, which began at 5:30 p.m., I arrived at 5:37 p.m. to find Dear Leader standing outside the venue’s exterior door. Like most reasonable people, I assumed he was on his way inside.

But no; actually he was leaving

As more than one onlooker confirmed, evidently one glance of 125 persons milling around the third floor ballroom caused Gahan’s agoraphobia to kick in with a vengeance, and he turned tail and skedaddled, terrified of an unscripted setting in an enclosed space amid uncontrollable people.

Probably there exists medication for this condition, maybe even marijuana-laced Rice Krispies Treats with a Kool-Aid chaser, although first the patient must concede to being ill. If it’s too much for his insurance policy deductible, maybe the Genius of the Floodplain could donate some of Mr. Lanz’s money to the Democrats, who in turn would give it back to Gahan for a scholarship prescription.

Meanwhile Mark Seabrook, Republican candidate for mayor who is about to be pilloried by the Fanged Adamites for poor health, arrived early and stood through the entire presentation.

Like I always say: Socialists for Seabrook in 2019.

As for the content of the proceedings, I’ll leave that to another post. It should suffice to say that there’ll be epochal pain accompanied by scant recognition of the very real possibility of epic small business tribulations.

At the end of the day, it comes down to this: there are no good choices, because this manner of clusterfucking is what happens in a society that has concluded the very best way to have “mobility options” is to compel people to drive everywhere for everything, generally with cars occupied by the driver alone.

But what, Gahan worry?

After all, it’s not like HE’S going to be the mayor when the hammer falls in 2021.