Thanks for reading NA Confidential, where we enjoy reconnoitering the neglected periphery for uniquely local perspectives on life in New Albany.
Well, someone has to do it, or we can grow old waiting for the Jeffersonville News and Tribune to rediscover journalism.
December’s list of most-viewed posts requires an explanation. At the end of October, users of the infamously shoddy Blogger platform started reporting a sudden drop in blog traffic. Blogger emitted its usual “we’re investigating” noises, and while numerical ratios seem consistent, page view counts which have been sensible for years no longer are.
For those monetizing their blogs, this probably is infuriating. Since I’m a loss leader kind of fellow, it’s merely an annoyance.
Once again this month, statistics are derived from an informal survey of Facebook numbers and a comparison to Blogger stats. In short, this looks about right, and I’m ranking posts by position.
The December most-viewed list begins with ten “honorable mention” posts, before concluding with the Top Ten, escalating to No. 1.
DECEMBER HONORABLE MENTION (10)
Whenever I hear the words “upscale microbrew pub franchise,” I reach for Franchise Gator to learn how much it costs to buy into someone else’s ideas.
It’s not my preference in beer or life, and the older I get, the more often I shrug and yawn, BUT to each his or her own.
As an aside, when Growler USA’s corporate HQ speaks of “certified brew specialists,” are we to imagine they mean Cicerones? I googled the term, and the only hits I got were from Growler USA.
To repeat: Hearty thanks to the New Albany Street Department for giving the P&u alley a good cleaning.
Regular readers will recall that we had an unsightly dumping issue in this alley just before the Thanksgiving holiday.
While many different factors influence the safety of humans in cities, none matters nearly so much as the speed at which vehicles are traveling. The relationship between vehicle speed and danger is, to put it mildly, exponential. (1/4)
GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Are NA’s dwindling Democrats seeking to wrest control of city elections from the county? Lame, but at least they’re not suggesting HWC Engineering do it.
“I keep saying that Gahanism can’t possibly get any weirder, or the Floyd County Democrats any more panic-stricken, and I keep waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, hearing Rod Serling’s voice.”
“What’s he saying to you, Mouse?”
“It goes something like this: ‘New Albany is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Gahan Zone.’ “
Now it’s Christmas Day, and it would be futile to attempt to deal with the jumble of emotions crowding my noggin. I may have to chip away at them over the coming days, knowing all the while that the year to come probably is going to be even more exhausting than the one about to pass.
But there are a few billion people out there who have it worse off than us, and I try never to forget it — whether a holiday or any other day when we roll out of bed and seek yet again to finesse the rough edges of the existential dilemma.
In a unanimous decision, NAC’s New Albany “Person of the Year” for 2018 is Jeff Gahan’s Money Machine.
They’re all connected to greater or lesser extent to the overarching theme of Gahan’s seven years in office: the construction of a self-aggrandizing political patronage “pay to play” system unprecedented in the modern era of New Albanian political malfeasance.
Queue the cattle cars, because Riverview Tower will be the next pawn in City Hall’s luxury enhancement crusade.
If Riverview Tower is doomed owing to irreparable physical problems, then residents can be scattered for their own good (as Gauleiter Duggins ineptly signaled to the inattentive reporter, below). The building would come down, and then the property sold for for the sort of “luxury” high-rise development that’s eternally more conducive to the engorged mayoral ego than any conceivable dose of Viagra.
It’s “why he’s here,” forever fascinated by those bright shiny baubles capable of generating campaign funds, as opposed to actual human beings and their needs, which he simply cannot fathom in a month of Sundays.
Public restrooms are another beneficial project neither Jeff Gahan nor Develop New Albany is likely to pursue.
Silly me — New Albany Municipal Utilities customers paid for the mayor’s Christmas card to them last year, too.
The Green Mouse fixed this year’s mayoral holiday card. Dear Leader’s attachment to the usual donors has him looking like a NASCAR driver.
DECEMBER TOP 10
Meme wars erupt as the Reisz Mahal tops the Tom May Content Multiplier’s list of top five reasons not to vote for Jeff Gahan in 2019.
As a New Year’s resolution for 2019, let’s work together to ensure that every last elected official responsible for the Reisz Mahal luxury government center expenditure is defeated at the polls.
Now, roll those memes.
Lieber Führer visits NAHA, Eiffel Tower: “We’re from the government and we’re here to help … ourselves.”
YOU paid for your Season’s Greetings card from the permanent candidate.
Fortunately, unlike the chaotic situation three decades ago in the People’s Republic if Romania, my fellow New Albanians will have the lawful opportunity next year to exercise their power of the ballot and remove our own under-educated, egotistical, image-replicating, cash-in-the-service-of-special-interests, bullying and personality cult curating Nicolae Ceausescu wannabe, along with the bootlicking clique of vapid lackeys drooling in his general vicinity.
We can get to Trump later. He’s minor league by comparison. First, it’s time to pluck the Genius of the Flood Plain from the comfy projected office chair in his palatial Reisz Mahal, and put him back into peddling veneer.
Doing it for Matt, because Jeff Gahan doesn’t want to hear about pedestrians, bicyclists and skateboarders being killed on city streets. That’s why Jeff Gahan MUST GO.
City Hall’s response was, and remains, unconscionable, damning and sadly indicative of the ethical, moral, AND cash-driven rot that pervades the Gahan administration — and, by extension, the hierarchy of the Democratic Party and its elected officials, who are this chicanery’s enablers.
That’s because there has not been, and likely never will be, any sort of human response to Matt’s death at all on the part of officialdom, of the sort revealing qualities like sadness, empathy and resolve. Rather, we’ve been handed cowardly evasions and the sort of by-the-numbers word puree crafted by computers for androids.
We feel like every spare moment this whole year has been spent trying to find a funding solution for the store to be able to stay open. We are very sorry that we have to leave you New Albany.
I’ll be buying a second keg of Edmund Fitzgerald to take us through until the expected arrival of Fuller’s London Porter in January. What I’d ask of Pints&union customers is when you drink a pint of Edmund Fitzgerald, kindly spare a few seconds to reflect on the tragedy of these 29 men who died not so much because they were heroes pursuing some lofty, noble cause, but simply while doing their everyday jobs.
Chromatic Homes: “How the simple act of painting an ornate structure in bright or bold colors can inspire, empower, sustain and enlighten an entire community.”
Cult of personality: Jeff Gahan’s face appears on doggie calendars and in newspaper inserts. It’s blatant electioneering at the taxpayer’s expense.
When the face of Dear Leader is larger than the content his image purports to endorse, then it’s no longer about the content. It’s about Dear Leader. If you were to ask Jeff Gahan how many mistakes he has made since becoming mayor, he’d pause only briefly before answering: none.
Think about this for just a moment. He’s a human, and humans are fallible. Do we need a mayor whose primary interest is self-deification, or do we need a mayor whose policies make a difference for ordinary citizens, like me and you?
And all that money from the same special interests, constantly flowing into Gahan’s campaign account. How much money is enough for the mayor and his clique?