Goodbye to the Fork in the Road, hello to “Mayor Jeff Gahan presents, “A Fork Amid the Sidewalk” — and fork YOU if you don’t obey.

Photo by David Modica.

Ah, those blissful days of pre-Gahanista innocence.

More forks in the road. (November 29, 2011)

At this morning’s Merchant Mixer meeting, Dave Thrasher explains what may lie beyond the stenciled fork in the road as Curt Peters holds a drawing of the 16-ft tall sculpture soon to occupy space on the west side of the traffic island at State and Market Streets. Bravo!

The new (and putrid) beautification plan looks like this.

We can’t blame baseball hall of famer Jim “HWC” Rice for this one; it comes straight from Esteemed Leader, and nowhere else.

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism via faux “input,” pre-determined outcomes, clear-cutting, IKEA chairs and raging HWC paranoia. Welcome to your “improved” Market Street.

There’s nothing new in any of this. We already knew that Team Gahan views the notion of open, honest transparency with the same reverence as a vampire views garlic — and speaking of Transylvania, it’s also understood that just as comrade Ceausescu sought to remake Bucharest in his own Mussolini-filtered image, Jeff Gahan is striving to render downtown’s physical appearance into a tableau worthy of a veneer salesman’s insipidity, with all the tasteful flair of an exurban outlet mall by the interstate.

Jeeebus, the clique is engorged. Anyone for lancing the boil in 2019?

Peak inner city suburban Gahanism as HWC recommends buying IKEA when two local furniture dealers are yards away from the redesign atrocity.