Outraged by Mike Moore’s fattened pay packet, Formerly Methodical McLaughlin proposes war on Jeffersonville “to preserve Esteemed Guide’s honor and consumer buying power.”


The Green Mouse has learned that New Albany city council president-for-life Formerly Methodical McLaughlin will call an emergency meeting for the Roadhouse on Sunday morning at eight, because damn it, this means war!

According to the ordinance, Jeffersonville Mayor Mike Moore will get a raise to $104,000 from $94,000, effective January 2018. The sewer department funds $15,000 of Moore’s salary with an additional $5,000 being paid to him in his capacity as president of the sewer board.

According to the now Suddenly Unsystematic McLaughlin, “Let’s put it like this. Suppose a major corporation like Amazon wants to move its headquarters here, but then they see Mike Moore being able to afford a quality of life that Jeffrey … I mean, Light of Our Civic Being … can’t support. It’s just wrong.”

“The city of Jeffersonville knows it can’t beat us at basketball for so long as we have Romeo, and this is the way they try to make us look bad. Well, not on my shift. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cast a vote against financial assistance for the Homeless Coalition.”

Gahan was unavailable for comment, but frequent stand-in and body double Mike Hall told the Green Mouse that as the city’s director of communications, he understands better than many the advantages of complete and utter silence.

But another key administration figure was more forthcoming.

“As a specialized breed of new age corporate attorney, it’s clear to me that Formerly has a good point,” said Shane Gibson. “It’s really hard to imagine the mayor of any stepping stone to higher office being expected to subsist on one-fourth my annual remuneration.”