ASK THE BORED: It’s Mt. Tabor Road’s turn to be pillaged as our lumberjack fetishist mayor readies another round of clear-cutting — for the sake of the cars, of course.


See, it’s right there on the agenda for tomorrow morning’s meeting.

But there’s more.

Today at Gahanskaya Pravda there occurred what I believe is the auto-erotic (in more ways than one) City Hall rag’s first ever reprint.

It’s been four months since the mayor triumphantly announced what amounts to a survey of previously sawed stumps; having felled hundreds and perhaps thousands of trees during the course of his Ceausescu-esque TIF and Green(!)way projects, he’d now prove there was the beginning of the precursor to an embryonic “master” plan to reforest the city by 2065 or so.

Okay, okay. We already knew there’d been an anti-climactic midsummer’s announcement about a flaccid urban canopy inventory grant that does nothing to dull Gahan’s overworked chain saws.

Question: So, why repeat the story four months later?

Answer: Minions at City Hall, who refuse to concede they read NA Confidential, know via telepathy, osmosis or maybe just their surreptitious reading of NA Confidential that NA Confidential dutifully reads the weekly Board of Public Works and Safety packet.

In short, today’s rerun was pre-emptive, and all we can say in response is this most heartfelt of sentiments:

Thanks for reading NA Confidential

When’s the last time they had to work this cleverly in order to upstage, pre-empt or even show the vaguest awareness of the local chain newspaper?


BIG LEAK! The Green Mouse has obtained an advance copy of Deaf Gahan’s “Long Term Urban Canopy Inventory and Management.”

The simple fact is we’ve all become numb to Jeff Gahan’s signature Shade Eradication Program.

Pusillanimous prioritization? Nickels and dimes later, it remains that we need HUNDREDS of trees planted yearly, not a few dozen.

Team Gahan has clear-cut virtually the entire city, so it’s the perfect time to begin pretending the junta cares about trees.

Chainsaws are the soundtrack to our anchors: “How Should We Pay for Street Trees?”