ASK THE BORED: BoW’s fantasy world? Talk is cheap, and pedestrians likely will be sitting ducks at intersections that aren’t “stop controlled.”


Bored minutes from July 25 are hot off the presses. Let’s begin with the city engineer’s testimony about high-visibility crosswalks.

“At intersections that aren’t stop controlled,” there’ll be “high-visibility crosswalks,” rather than a fruitful discussion of why an intersection that merits this extra expense, one undertaken primarily to fool pedestrians into believing they’re being protected, isn’t being subjected to the logical step … of being stop controlled.  

Be still my throbbing ticker, because someone mentioned the future bicycle/pedestrian meat grinder at Spring & 10th. Wait … here comes a truck now!

See how the driver of this improperly speeding heavy truck blithely cuts off the bike lane, and has very nearly strayed into the weird detached parking space? At 40 m.p.h., this driver might strike a walker, biker and parked car, all at once.

Given that the cone is marking the spot where a pedestrian pedestal probably will be erected to (a) block handicapped access, because that’s what the city routinely does, and (b) contribute to a false sense of security for pedestrians at a crosswalk that isn’t stop controlled … alas, I suspect Lincks refers merely to the task of implementing whatever smoke and mirrors atop pedestals are available to make this intersection somehow seem safe, when the logical solution … is to make it stop controlled.

Baseball Hall of Famer Jim Rice of HWC Engineering (dude — the cross hatching fix?) once stated to me that INDOT simply won’t allow 4-way stops and stop lights to be planted for the purpose of slowing traffic.

That’s a shame, Jim, because the intersection of Spring & 10th is so potentially dangerous that someone probably will be hurt, and soon, and this injury will then be used to justify the logical and belated fix … you know, making it stop controlled.

Because, my dear Jim, it’s about safety, eh? Wouldn’t you rather be pro-active than reactive, or does this require an extra campaign contribution?

Meanwhile, chairman of the bored Warren Nash — still struggling to keep his story straight about the University of Michigan door-to-door canvassing, which he’s convinced is somehow connected to fluoridated water and street pianos — indulges in a bit of surreal and self-congratulatory reasoning.

Really? Allow me to walk you through it, Warren.

But of course you knew how long the project was going to take. You’re the consummate insider, who knows everything so that you can conceal it.

Perhaps the reason you’re hearing confusion from the public about the duration of the McDonald Lane project is that Team Gahan does an exceedingly poor job of telling others what it intends to do — and by others, I refer to those folks who work days and cannot attend your BoW meetings at 10:00 a.m.

It comes as no surprise that something like this would even be said aloud.

Okay, kids — the Green Mouse is “bored” to tears, so join us again next week as we sift the wreckage of Gahanism for a few ephemeral nuggets of entertainment.