On Monday afternoon came a breathless e-mail teaser from Develop New Albany:
“Please join us tomorrow for a Major Announcement from The City of New Albany and The Horseshoe Foundation at 10:30 am at the Riverfront Amphitheater.”
At first it seemed that Mayor Gahan intended to announce the dissolution of municipal government and the institution of a hereditary monarchy, but then the Green Mouse phoned in.
It’s a $5,000,000 donation to the city from Horseshoe. No one will tell me what for, but it’s a nice chunk of change, and I’m sure Team Gahan will waste it.
What might the city do with $4,750,000?
a. Remodel the amphitheater into a usable riverside performance venue?
Nah — that makes too much sense.
a. Get a leg up on the pro soccer stadium.
b. Finish chopping down the remainder of our street trees.
c. Purchase and remodel the Reisz Furniture Building for use as Gahan’s new City Hall.
d. Pay off Duggins’ bar tabs.
e. Buy out the QRS recycling grounds for a new luxury floodplain development.
f. Now Develop New Albany can hire a full-time staff person.
g. (your choice here)
C’mon — someone out there knows what’s happening. Drop me a line so I can prepare the satire.