Jeff mayor’s “state of the city” address on Tuesday was delayed five minutes, but for Mayor Jeff, it’s been six years — and counting.


To be sure, Mike Moore’s “state of the city” address was little more than the usual yawner platitudes punctuated with auto-erotic back-patting, but at least he stood up in front of actual humans and spoke.

“It’s going to be another exciting spring and summer in downtown Jeffersonville,” he said. “Hundreds of thousands of people have already walked across the Big Four Bridge and have been pleasantly surprised by what’s waiting on this side. But there’s so much more to come.”

Evidently Moore isn’t finished, either. I always enjoyed finishing, but to each his or her own.

Of course, even if New Albany’s mayor could muster a solitary yearly speech in the relative security of the third floor conference room (a hurdle he’s yet to clear), it wouldn’t change the sad diagnosis of agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed … people with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fears can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.

It’s simply impossible to imagine Gahan making like a British Prime Minister by subjecting himself to questions from elected officials, much less catering to ordinary citizens. Floyd County Democrats currently are gleefully (and rightly) lambasting Trey Hollingsworth for refusing to hold public meetings, but when has their shining mayoral light ever done so?

That’s hypocritical, isn’t it, Adam?

While I’m thinking about it, there’s a brilliant new parody at Twitter. It’s called @DeafGahan, and yes, the author isn’t known. That’s because Twitter allows anonymous parodists, including Rogar Bayler.

I wish it were otherwise, but no one has asked for my opinion.

Previous merriment:

Another year slips past without a “state of the city” address by Jeff Gahan, but his press releases say we’re flying high.

New Albany: It’s Where You Should Be (!) UNLESS You Want to Hear Mayor Gahan Give a State of the City Address.

Chronicles of New Gahania: Governance by press release.

Vaughn, Within City Limits: Episode II, The State of Our City.