ASK THE BORED: They like that old time rock and roll.

Photo credit: That Jeffersonville Newspaper.

At the time of writing on Tuesday morning, the usual packet of BOW materials had not landed in our inbox.

Looking ahead to the Bored’s plate for 2017, the safest prediction we can make is that the rubber-stamp appointed body will continue to grandly choreograph a Gahanesque wetting of beaks, wherein the tightly knit band of contractors, engineers, pavers, utility monopoly commissars, architects and consultants, which customarily is awarded the majority of contracts, does not forget to divert the Dear Leader’s pre-determined share via the handy sluice behind Door Number One.

Since citywide auto-centrism provides the most efficient means of enforcing this remunerative status quo, you can expect it to remain at the top of the chairman’s weekly agenda, with Bilbo Bagman Duggins available as eager mule when shekels must be transferred the old-fashioned way, in bulging manila envelopes.

Speaking of campaign finance lifeblood, here’s an excerpt from the December 13 BOW meeting, and another brightly festooned package for HWC Engineering, v.v. the not-real-until-shit-actually-changes Downtown Grid Modernization Project.

Short-term, the Bored surely will continue to avoid conditions brought about by the advent of bridge tolls, which begin on December 30. BOW’s meeting of Tuesday, January 3 will be especially instructive in this regard.

ASK THE BORED: Light-struck animals, rebooted holograms and the tolling land rush coming soon.

 … It is reported that city software engineers are hard at work reprogramming the mayoral hologram to direct snarled traffic and hand out Bicentennial coffee table books to frustrated pass-through motorists who live outside the city limits.

Finally, as an amalgam of the preceding, and in the context of what BOW should be doing as an entity hypothetically charged with “safety” (and ideally, in conjunction with mayor, city council and the governing apparatus), there’s the need for a pedestrian (and cycling) bill of rights.

ON THE AVENUES: For New Albany’s Person of the Year, the timeless words of Mother Jones: “Pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living.”

Six Principles of Toronto Pedestrian Charter

Walking is a free and direct means of accessing local goods, services, community amenities and public transit.

Walking is the only mode of travel that is universally affordable, and allows children and youth, and people with specific medical conditions to travel independently.

Health and Well-being
Walking is a proven method of promoting personal health and well-being.

Environmental Sustainability
Walking relies on human power and has negligible environmental impact.

Personal and Community Safety
An environment in which people feel safe and comfortable walking increases community safety for all.

Community Cohesion and Vitality
A pedestrian-friendly environment encourages and facilitates social interaction and local economic vitality.

The Toronto Pedestrian Charter is an initiative that came from residents who serve their city on the Toronto Pedestrian Committee. The Charter reflects the principle that a city’s walkability is one of the most important measures of the quality of its public realm, and of its health and vitality.

As citizens interested in the health and well being of our city, who want to see the city succeed and improve, there’s one central task ahead of us in connection with the ideas encapsulated by the Toronto Pedestrian Charter.

We must determine a way to monetize these ideas, so the Bored and Chief Hologram can see the juice in the sluice. Otherwise, it’s just a bunch of facts.