SHANE’S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: 20 cherished ways to say “you’re fired.”


Welcome to another installment of SHANE’S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS, a regular Wednesday feature at NA Confidential.

But why all these newfangled words?

Why not the old, familiar, comforting words, like the ones you’re sure to hear when asking the city’s corporate attorney why the answers to my FOIA/public records request for Bicentennial commission finances, due to be handed over on July 8, still haven’t arrived on November 16?

Bicentennial commission financial trail? What’s two (yawn) weeks (shrug) after 463 days?

November 16 update: Make that 19 weeks since the FOIA record request’s due date and 581 days since I asked Bullet Bob Caesar to tell us how many coffee table books were left unsold, and how much the city’s 200-year “summer of love” fest actually cost us. It’s with Indiana’s public access counselor now, and a verdict is to be rendered no later than the first week of December, so perhaps “compliance” would be a word for our friend’s future consideration.

No, it’s because a healthy vocabulary isn’t about intimidation through erudition. Rather, it’s about selecting the right word and using it correctly, whatever one’s pay grade or station in life.

Even these very same iniquitous, paving-bond-slush-engorged municipal corporate attorneys who customarily are handsomely remunerated to suppress information can benefit from this enlightening expansion of personal horizons, and really, as we contemplate what they knew and when they knew it, all we have left is plenty of time — and the opportunity to learn something, if we’re so inclined.

Today’s words were made famous by the President-elect, and in one of history’s cruel ironies, they’re now applicable to … shall we say, others.

You’re fired!

Personally, I prefer old standbys like canned, sacked, axed and shit-canned, but the story is here, and you can decide for yourself: 20 ways bosses fire you without actually saying ‘you’re fired’, by Catey Hill (Market Watch).

1. We’re letting you go
2. We’re downsizing/restructuring/right-sizing
3. You’re no longer needed at the company
4. We’re going in a different direction with your position
5. You’re dismissed from your position
6. We’re asking you to resign
7. You’ve been selected out of your job
8. We’re in the process of a workforce adjustment
9. We’re terminating you
10. Your position has been eliminated
11. You’re released from your role
12. Let’s call this a premature retirement
13. We’re in the middle of a personnel surplus reduction
14. We’re requesting your departure
15. Call it an involuntary separation
16. We’re destaffing
17. You’re not a fit here
18. We’re scaling back
19. I think it’s time we parted ways
20. You’re being discharged

Literally, “Pink Slip.”