ASK THE BORED: What the hell do we do when a street light is out?


You’re outside walking the pooch after dark, and you trip on a malformed sidewalk that hasn’t been repaired since the Kennedy years.

“Damn,” you curse. “If only the street light would have been functional, I could have minded the gap.”

And so you go to the city’s snazzy upgraded web site, the one where you’re greeted by a billboard-sized portrait of Our Beloved Leader, in order to report the street light outage, because you know the sidewalk’s gonna be toast at least until the second Chelsea Clinton administration.

So much for that. Surmising that the city probably has outsourced all such matters to the utility monopolies, which play a central role in campaign finance for those aspiring to be President Chelsea’s local branded representative, you’re off to Google.

Problem is, Duke says “no can do” in Indiana.

And yet, hit another link recently posted on a Facebook page, and there’s this.

It appears to be a procedure for reporting street light outages. I haven’t tried it yet because miraculously, all the lights on my block appear to be functional at present.

This week’s question to the Bored, destined to remain unanswered just like the rest: Exactly what is the procedure for reporting a street light outage? Is it Duke, or must citizens take a half day off from work to pay homage to Chairman Warren in person?

Also this: Is it Happy Hour yet?