The Green Mouse Says, “If and when the city finishes the job and restripes the street, the mouth breathers will go berserk.”


Another week passes without stripes on Upper Spring — no narrowing, no calming, but plenty of Irv’s speedway tumescence.

The Green Mouse has received a strange e-note, even by the standards of his periodically radioactive clientele.

It sounds at first like another crazy conspiracy theory, but here’s rub: Given the way things work hereabouts, it’s entirely plausible. You can hear local Democrats talking this way over Bud Light Limes over at the Roadhouse.

Can anyone confirm or deny?

So, you’re wondering why the city won’t finish the striping and new traffic pattern on Spring Street on both sides of Silver Street — you remember, our sole line of defense against toll “dodging”, as the moron second-tier city planners like to call it.

Let me remind you about the election coming up on November 8.

Seabrook, Stumler and their legion of good old boy fat cats have raised the roof bitching about the two-way street plan, and you may have noticed most of them are Republicans (I know, but Irv’s stopped pretending now that Doug’s in Florida). Trump’s a piece of excrement, but we all know he’ll carry Floyd County in a yuuuuge way. In this hellhole, Trump actually helps the local Republicans.

Right now, thanks to Irv’s magical mystery tour, the only comments being made aloud about two-way streets are negative. Some of us have caught on, when you said you’d stop talking about streets and said it was someone else’s turn, things got quiet fast.

You’d think these other two-way advocates could write letters and raise hell, too, but they don’t, do they? Do they exist? You can bet your last TIFF that Dickey’s noticed that, and he’s running scared. It’s the only way he knows how, after all. 

So the city paved Spring Street, and all the redneck speed racers are delighted. If and when the city finishes the job and restripes the street, the mouth breathers will go berserk, and the Democrats are absolutely terrified of this before the election because they know Irv’s right — changing the streets has little popular support, and the mayor doesn’t have a backbone, as we all know. All it can do right now is make the Republican beatdown even worse.

It’s a comedy, and I figured you’d like to know why. No charge, but you can buy me a beer sometime.