ASK THE BORED: Will it be mushy adulterated sausage or savory filet mignon for the street grid? HWC monetizes the answer for BOW this very morning.


Today’s the day, unless it isn’t, because until Jeff Gahan has done SOMETHING to implement two-way street reversion, he’s done NOTHING, but the agenda of the Board of Public Works and Safety says that at this morning’s meeting, Jim Rice of HWC Engineering, employer of the economic development director’s wife, will begin to peel back the obscure, shielded layers of the mayor’s alleged commitment to modernity.

Larry Summers: “Whether or not” there’ll be two-way streets, a public meeting about them will occur on Monday, September 19 at the NAHS Auditorium (6 – 8 pm).

I’d rather see Rice back in left field for the Red Sox, but as it stands, the denizens of ESNA are so sure of the street grid outcome, upon which at least one has staked his entire political career with an asterisk, that they scheduled a discussion of something that hasn’t officially occurred.

Surreal New Albany: On Wednesday, ESNA will discuss a proposal that hasn’t been released.

Consider the question begged: If the streets remain one-way, will Greg Phipps resign his council seat? After all, his presumably heroic wager would have failed — or will “when feasible” as a convenient catch phrase revert to previous usage, describing inconstancy of council service, rather than cowering on street design?

Inquiring minds may or may not know, sooner or later, (flip that coin) because transparency flows from Team Gahan like sap from a street tree doomed by the Tree Board because it blocks the view of a nice old house.

Of course, if the apocalypse comes to pass, and Gahan actually (finally) does the right thing by aggressively reverting New Albany’s streets to two-way traffic, then I’ll be the first to congratulate him, seeing as it was my civic cause in the first place.

ON THE AVENUES: Complete ventriloquism, or the stagecraft of “throwing” your two-way streets.

In other news, there have been a few positive developments. Stopped clocks, and such. Just in time for elephant ears, pedestrians have at long last been noticed.

It’s a pre-Harvest Homecoming miracle: Pedestrian crossing buttons at Spring & Pearl repaired after 6 (8?) (10?) months.

Also, a suspicious banner no longer waves.

Your ASK THE BORED follow-up: The disappearing school recruitment banner atop the levee.

I’ll be there this morning, taking notes, although it may be necessary to reach for the handy plastic flask instead of metal, so as to be able to sneak breakfast past the entrance scanner.

And the Green Mouse? He’s morphed into a Black Cat.