Toll readiness as defined by … by … by … say, what is this, invisible ink?


Yes, that’s the one.*

Yesterday with open arms we welcomed cynicism back into our lives. It had been nearly thirty minutes, and I was starting to sweat.

A new buzz phrase enters City Hall’s bunker-speak: “Downtown Grid Modernization Project.” We believe it’s a synonym for “non-existent.”

If you read the subsequent newspaper account of the state of Indiana’s auto-centric million-dollar grant to Southern Indiana, and specifically New Albany — for future state senate candidates, “asphalt aplenty” money like this far outranks Viagra — you’ll have noticed this passage, as attributed to the straw that stirs our collective Shirley Temple.

“(The) downtown grid modernization project, which is a review of the downtown grid that will allow the city to ready itself for the completion of the Ohio River Bridges Project and the associated tolls.”

Stop laughing and pay attention!

Shouldn’t there be a follow-up question something like this one?

“Mayor Gahan, seeing as tolls begin in less than six months, can you explain precisely what this ‘readiness’ means, in the real world, and in the short-term, because after all, there is no long term when it comes to toll imposition.”

The question hasn’t been asked, except by me. A reporter should try asking it, for the only response I ever get goes something like this:

(crickets chirp)

(pins drop)

(somewhere, a dog forlornly barks)

(public access requests can be heard fluttering into garbage cans)

* thanks, J