New Albany’s new slogan: “Truck Through City” … Part 86: Bored of Works to approve Arch de Capitulation on 5th St., facing Padgett.


He wants to turn back the clock to a halcyon youth in pre-Eisenhower days, but for heaven’s sake, just calm down, Irv. One-way streets are bad for everyone but speeding cars.

In fact, there are many reasons to regard one-way streets as a disease.

Not only that, but complete streets are a bargain at least when maximizing campaign contributions from contractors and construction interests aren’t a mayor’s primary goal.

Alas, last week, Chairman Naps presided over the Bored of Works as the predicted gutting of Speck’s downtown street network proposals began, with Mayor Jeff Gahan giving the finger to complete streets advocates.

In part, federal funding prerequisites supposedly were behind City Hall’s abject street grid surrender, but upon closer examination, all the extra expense, time, and proposed iterations have nothing to do with securing federal funds. In short, John “Pinocchio” Rosenbarger conducted yet another drive-by whopper as the Bored glanced furtively at their iPhones.

Only two days later did the reason for this full-scale retreat become evident, when Padgett, Tiger, EM Cummings Veneer, Kaiser Wholesale, et al, revealed a lawsuit against City Hall over the Main Street dishevelment project.

The trucking mafia’s tort claim notice offered a preview into a lawsuit borne of a jihad against modernity, one designed to stop Speck in its tracks … which the mayor already had been doing before the lawsuit became a factor. Who’s on first, anyway?

So few answers for attribution, although we’re not without an enduring if archaic constant: If ya wanna ask a question, sonny boy, then you’ll have to take a vacation day, because the Bored’s meeting’s is at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday, and in an era of instant communication with virtually every corner of the globe, Warren Nash will speak to you only via an official audience in HIS meeting room.

I wonder if the Pope has an iPhone?