|I usually manage it without any religion at all.|
I trust JeffG won’t mind my reprinting this, seeing as it “won” the Internetz yesterday.
Yes, it’s satire, which for those not allergic to it, exists to make important points, like this one: Religious persuasion is the choice, not sexual orientation.
On second thought, this may not be satire at all, in which case I wanna be a profiteering prophet of FUCKIFINO. After all, it’s tax free.
In response to RINOs, DINOs and probably Quentin TaranTINO, we’re pleased to announce the entirely sexless birth of FUCKIFINO, though as a church instead of an almost political party. Don’t want to have to mess with those pesky rules and responsibilities. Plus, it’s tax free. Congregant discounts are available for the first 1,000,000 applicants. And, yes, we’re open to all.
Our tenets and practice guides will be community driven– or crowd sourced, as it were. For every $50 tithed (15% off for the first 1,000,000 as mentioned), congregants earn the holist right to write the holy writ, randomly and permanently inscribing exactly one thing into the officially sanctioned and legally binding scripture that they either want to never have to do again or want to do every day without hassle.
Thus, when encountering intrepid statists inquiring as to the supernatural source of entirely personal preferences and habits, one need only respond “FUCKIFINO” in order to be covered by any number of RFRAs at the state and federal levels. The first three beloveds to openly declare their faith in court and under oath will be granted probationary prophet sharing privileges and refunded their initial $50 (or prorated discount amount), though we reserve the right to use their image and likeness on candles, condom carry cases, and any other fund-raising materials sufficiently consecrated as lucrative.
[insert legal disclaimer].