2nd district council race pits Tweedledum, Tweedledee in a consensus to the death.


Senility fetishists rejoice: You have until November to enjoy NA’s 2nd district council race. The rest of us will be rereading Dante Alighieri’s Inferno in a effort to verify which circle of suffering this scenario best inspires.

Ladies and gentleman, your candidates.

Caesar: I hate two-way streets the most.
Stumler: No, I hate two way streets worse than you.

Stumler: I’d have spent $4 million more repairing Spring Street Hill again and again.
Caesar: Hah! I’d have spent $5 million more repairing Spring Street Hill again and again.

Caesar: Miller Lite tastes great!
Stumler: Less filling!

Stumler: If you don’t look at trucking porn, you can’t have an erection.
Caesar: How can you have an erection if you don’t look at trucking porn?

Evidently these two sad remnants are the best New Albany can do. On the topic of street grid reform, the falsehoods, whoppers and outright lies uttered by Bob Caesar and Irv Stumler alone, if laid end to end, would reach to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the city council recently approved a bold Complete Streets Ordinance, one we can be sure neither Caesar nor Stumler would ever be bothered to read.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.

Jeff Speck as monstrous crow?

C’mon, someone reading this piece lives in the 2nd district and feels like projectile vomiting at the prospect of either of these two political poseurs representing you in the modern world as it exists in the here and now.

Run as an independent, and at least make them answer to something factual. Let me know, and I’ll do what I can to help.