New Albany’s new slogan: “Truck Through City” … Part 41: For our weekly Board of Works spotlight, let’s check in on the Main Street Deforestation Project’s puddles and muddles.

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Never fear, monster rig fetishists.

Your weekly dose of turgid steel tumescence, hurtling unrestrained down arterial (read: residential) streets as a daily exercise in “quality of life” for all except those Democratic Party politicians peacefully dwelling on suburban cul de sacs, is coming shortly.

But first, a revealing look at the city’s latest and greatest shining path: The Main Street Deforestation Project finally is coming to a close, and the critics already are raving.

Here is CD, on Facebook, explaining a candid photo: “This is the puddle at the corner of Main Street and Holy Trinity that the engineers created when they redid did Main Street. There used to be a drain so it wouldn’t flood. Now they’ve created a mess.”

Whoa! I guess “high waters” are about to become John Rosenbarger’s default neighborhood fashion statement.

After I observed on Twitter yesterday that traffic was moving quite slowly on Main Street, proving that a mere $2 million to mill the roadway and leave it unpaved calms traffic quite effectively, Main Street inhabitant LP chimed in.

Man, and I am LOVING sitting on the stone bench outside my house and admiring the monuments that aren’t there.

But you have a house number artfully inscribed on the sidewalk, right?

Sure do. It glistens in the glow of the sickly new street lights that are directly in line with everyone’s 2nd story windows.

Ah, but don’t worry. These bulbs will burn out, too, and not be replaced — as with other, less pricey street lamps that less privileged streets must somehow live with.

Here are two glimpses of the amazing new Unpaved Calming Mechanism.

In fact, traffic was moving so slowly that for once, I couldn’t hear (or feel) the Tiger Truck Lines tractor trailer coming until it was less than half a block away — although it required deft footwork on the part of this old man to find safe haven several feet back in someone’s yard, and avoid the impromptu splash park. Aquatics, anyone?

But this one lone exploratory truck aside, things were fully SNAFU back on the Interstate highway otherwise known as Spring Street. This one blew the hat off my head.

How’s ill-fated Jeff Speck plan coming, anyway?

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