Shake, Prattle and Troll, Part 3: “Sign o’ the rabid times” newspaper column (2009).

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From the Tribune guest column archives on July 30, 2009, comes an examination of the pathology of “no” as compared with “yes,” not just when erecting signs, but all of the time in New Albany, where we’re all here because we’re not all there. 

Shake, Prattle and Troll, Part 1
Shake, Prattle and Troll, Part 2

BAYLOR: Sign o’ the rabid times

This is the year my family reunion came to town. Annual hosting privileges rotate between the cousins, who are the sons and daughters of my mother and her seven brothers and sisters, five of whom now have passed on. With my oldest cousin nearing 70 and only a handful younger than me, it appears that a passing of the torch is imminent. Until then, we soldier on.

Roughly 40 people turned out for Saturday’s picnic-style finale at our house along East Spring in New Albany. Visitors came from as far away as Boston, El Paso, Texas, and South Florida. A half dozen massive pizzas were trucked in, group photos were taken on the porch and then we held the annual family meeting, catching up on events of the past year and previewing the reunion to come in 2010.

When the formal program ended, a few attendees indicated interest in checking out the Bank Street Brewhouse, which is only nine short blocks west of the house. It was between afternoon rain storms, and with skies sunny, we decided to go by foot.

I asked them to meet me on the sidewalk, and we set off down Spring. After about four blocks, it occurred to me to look back and see who else had decided to come, and to my shock, I saw that the small group had grown to more than 20. Only the teetotalers stayed behind. My hunch is they weren’t very happy about it, but then again, teetotalers never are.

Feeling variously like the Pied Piper of beer and the helpful fellow on the Verizon Wireless commercials, I duly escorted this huge group of family members of all ages to the corner of Spring and Bank, made the northern turn, and presently we were examining the shiny new brewing equipment and indulging in scientific sampling. The pitchers were lined up on the counter, sweaty and beckoning, and everyone had a beer in hand.

I have to admit that it made me proud.

Only a handful of those attending the reunion live in Floyd County, and throughout the brewhouse visit there were many questions about life and times in New Albany: What’s that building, and why’s the roof gone? Where’s the Greenway? Is your city council as loopy as ours? Why doesn’t someone make them clean that mess up?

And, perhaps my favorite: Isn’t there a rule against those tacky signs?

•••

They’re not exactly yellow ribbons tied ‘round the old oak tree, those white yard signs scattered around town with the big red “NO” in screaming caps. I see them, and I shrug.

To me, they’re the plaintive wail of the inarticulate and congenitally disaffected, those unable to describe what they’re “for” in the sense of a positive contribution to the community, only to squawk about what they’re “against” as a negation of unity.

What they’re really against is the whole of modernity, although they express it in terms of money. I find that unspeakably sad.

Since the overwhelming percentage of temporary signage posted hereabouts falls into categories of plainly illegal or trespassing, with handwritten day-care touts duct-taped to city-owned traffic signal stanchions, absentee slum lord solicitations stapled to wooden utility poles and political signs never removed after last year’s fall election, I tend to regard them as little more than obtrusive garbage.

Not only do I believe they should be removed, I’m perfectly willing to remove them myself and will continue to do so whenever the mood strikes me. Nationwide, this blizzard of ugliness is known as “street spam,” and those who volunteer to remove it are “street spam sharks.”

But in the case of the raggedy, pestilential, malice-laden “NO” placards, most of them seem to be located quite properly in the yards of obstructionists. These are safe havens, perfectly legal, and the signs should be permitted to stand where they are as an indicator of bile within.

Several of us in the progressive bloc have concluded that matching “YES” placards should be created, although we’re mindful that describing what you’re “for” is sometimes more difficult than just screaming “NO” and holding your breath until you’re properly purple.

Among the “YES” suggestions that were made last week at the NA Confidential blog were these, in no particular order:

• Rule of Law

• Education

• Fairness

• Affordable health care

• Sustainability

• Code enforcement

• Preservation

• Green buildings

• Friendly streets

• Neighborhood schools

• Craft beer

• Bicycles

• Gay Bars

• Neighborhoods

• Craftsmanship

• Human-centered design

• Communitas

• Democracy here, now

• Downtown

• Native hardwoods

• Participation

• Redistricting

• Two-way streets

• Locally owned businesses

“YES” signs currently are being printed and will mimic the design of the “NO” ones, except that green is used instead of red. Some will have items we’re “for” already printed in the spaces, while others will be left blank to encourage public participation. If you’d like to have one and support the notion of positive participation in the community, let me know.

•••

Two hours after the group left to walk to the brewhouse, we ambled back home, and the reunion began winding down just before the rainfall at 8 p.m. I smoked a cigar to celebrate a successful conclusion to a familial obligation that I’ll not be revisiting until some time around 2017, when I’ll be … a bit older than I am now. Who’ll be coming then, and who will not?

There’s no way to know, and that’s why we play the game, same as with life in downtown New Albany.

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