“His Story Behind the Fence”: At DNA’s party, Doug England announces run for Mayor …


 … of Develop New Albany. Here’s the news story.

New Albany — Former three-term New Albany mayor Doug England, a presumptive Democrat who once hand-picked a Republican (subsequently defeated) to replace him in the Perpendicular Office so he could run for city council and ignominiously lose to Shirley Baird, divulged at last week’s Extemporaneously New Albany gala that incumbent Joe LaRocca is “finished” as Develop New Albany leader.

“Aw, fuck it,” said England in a prepared statement before a cornered, snarling alley cat. “It’s my club, anyway. Mine!

“I built the whole damn thing, NDA, ADN, DuhNuh; whatever. There oughta be a plaque somewhere in this shithole of a town. If Joe’s not gonna drive it — gimme the goddamned keys. I’ve only had a couple of bottles. I’ll drive up to Kuhlumbus and get Carl.

“Road trip!”

Later, while hawking raffle tickets, England was overheard soliciting campaign contributions for his DNA mayoral campaign.

“Gimme that,” he said, reaching into a nearby wallet. “See those assholes behind our fence? Can you believe that actually thought I’d KEEP all those promises I made? Gave ’em a goddamned bike lane, and what do they want? Two-fucking way streets! Jesus — like I could afford to pay off Padgett for any of THOSE.”

England glared at the string quartet.

“Girl — GIRL — I say girlie, daddy needs a nice cabernet … “