Don’t beat ’em … join ’em, and split the proceeds.

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Boxing Day began in the company of four fellow Floyd County residents, providentially seated at the last remaining available booth space at the Irish Rover, which is located on Frankfort Avenue in Louisville — the place where no one goes any longer because it’s way too crowded.

We had convened for the pub’s annual Boxing Day celebration, and to get a sense of the ambience of the celebration, visit my beer blog and feel the faint tickle of thirst (and hunger) while viewing the photos.

Verily, there’s nothing like Guinness to lubricate the formulation and dissemination of ideas, a concept enshrined by the Rover’s reminder: “A pub is the poor man’s university.”

Accordingly, the conversation turned to Reclaim Our Culture Kentuckiana (ROCK) and its most recent heroic anti-pornography battle against St. Petersburg gangsters disguised as Theatair X, with the only real question being, “Florida or Russia?” as the ultimate destination of the revenue derived from a business so impervious and venerable that it would be receiving glowing commendations from 1SI if it were a “family” owned fruit and vegetable stand.

But leaving bananas out of it, I’ve asked another question of ROCK numerous times without receiving a coherent answer:

Exactly which culture are you so intent on reclaiming?

As we discussed over Boxing Day pints, a strong case can be made that Theatair X follows quite convincingly in the traditions of vice, gambling and prostitution that formerly thrived in Jeffersonville and Clarksville, communities profiting from the civic-mindedness of bookies and pimps just as surely as Louisville grew from the coerced labor of African-American slavery.

So, why not celebrate the past rather than rewrite it?

The Boxing Day gang proposes the establishment of a Museum of Sin and Wickedness adjacent to Theatair X, situated atop the hallowed (and soiled) ground once preferred by weary long distance truckers and acne-laden, peering adolescents. The entire history of local vice will be examined at the museum, with proceeds ostensibly devoted to putting the most notorious current practitioner out of business … although we suspect that the Clarksville town council understands the true nature of the game better than ROCK ever will.

And what of New Albany’s place in this historical pageant?

We reckon that the best explanation of our fair city’s impoverishment in both financial resources and culture stems from the fact that way back when, only those too poor to own slaves or too stupid to profit from sin came to live here. That’s the open air museum … and nobody does it better.

If you’ll excuse me, I have another Guinness to catch. It just might help be construct a theory of why Steve Price still suffers from frankfortavenueaphobia.

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